Oh LeenLee

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I am not very tall but I am okay ( what haha )

Updated 27 facts about Peculiarczar

Apparently, back when I was fourteen years old I made a post about 27 facts about me, and I can't help but glue my face to the wall out of embarrassment. So, I'm going to make a new one.

1.) I am a Nursing Student and , I want to become a doctor someday
2.) I will do whatever it takes to go to London and that's where I'm planning to practice after my years here in the philippines
3.) My favourite numbers are 4, 7, 8, and 11 and other numbers that end with 4,7 and 8, I dunno really . I just have a good feeling about those numbers although I don't really believe in luck
4.) I am still battling anxiety but, I'm working on it pretty well as compared to the past
5.) I am still not a huge fan of reporting
6) Writing stuff helps me relax, so while taking breaks on school work, my magical thinking works then I write, write, write or sleep
7.) I'm still in love with the idea of sleep
8.) I truly am indolent, but I'm not as lazy as before
9.) I am still in love with the rain
10.) I learned to love books although, they are still an effective sedative
11.) Food is life
12.) My favourite nursing subjects are, NCM105 or psych nursing and pharmacology ( I am not kidding )
13.) I usually finish the exam first and I don't know why
14.) I am very scary when I get angry because my patience is no joke and when it runs out, you better run as well
15.) Popcorn is still the best dog in the world for me
16.) I am going to graduate by April 5, 2018 ( yes, I claimed it )
17.) If there is something that didn't change about me, that would be my laugh
18.) I'm still the maknae
19.) I'm not as emotional as I am before, yes, it's true and to those who are against it, I know how to hide a dead body really well until you become fertilizers ( haha kidding )
20.) I am a ninja
21.) my favourite colors are lilac, gray and black
22.) I am in love with the piano version of sad songs, they are my lullabies
23.) Dancing , singing and writing are my hobbies, as well as identifying a person's defense mechanism or counting how many times they yawned or sneezed
24.) I still ask bizarre questions but, I only keep them to myself
25.) I don't care as much as I did before
26.) I study by heart otherwise, it won't really sink in to me
27.) I have tryptophobia, so don't you dare or I'll put your head inside a box and send it to your family ( kidding again )

The Sadist's Market

The sadist’s market by Peculiarczar
 Where depressed souls visit. as it’s the place where they can sell their despair in forms of blood, screams, tears and endless sighs. The market is no where to be found on a regular map or the GPS on our regular technology. It can only be accessed by the ones who go deeper into the earth’s crust. A sacred place in which is hollow and, a dark place with shunting forces, opening gates of tranquillity and serene melodies of harps and trumpets, until you heart the loud thumping sound of that dark four corners. The sadist can be found there, presenting utopia where he sells tons of items ideal to the client, he presents it with enthusiasm saying that “ these will take the sorrow away, this will make you happy”. It comes in different forms, powders that appeared like pixie dust, liquids, extravagant that is in different forms that appeared very charismatic with a dash of amore.  Do not be fooled by the velvety ropes as it will close your curtains, or the shining, shimmering variety of blades that are dying to kiss your fragile skin. Oh, what’s that I see? A gun, he described more as a device faster that the speed of light that will make all your problems disappear. Then what about adrenaline? He talked to me about it as well, that rush that corrupts the very realistic part of your brain that makes you feel invincible. Oh, he has that too. You see, the sadist is the voice we hear, he tells you about how good it is to buy his goods and how he’s going to remove every bit of melancholy you have in you. But , you see that’s the problem that we have once we entered the sadist’s market, he’ll always be there giving your business offers like the freaking networking. But, after all those bad stuff about the sadist’s market, he does sell one thing that I always buy, a mask. A mask that withholds felicity and blissfulness, gives other people warm fuzziness but underneath. Oh, that’s what I use to pay the sadist, it fills him with joy as well. But then, what about me? Where can I find true happiness? That’s when I realized that I was a fool for accepting the sadist’s offer. The last time I visited him, I refused his offer and I returned the mask and he asked me, “ Why? What’s wrong? Doesn’t it make you happy?” . I replied with a shrug “ It’s just not right, something’s wrong” . The sadist closed the windows and he went out of his booth of masks. “ Then, head to the other direction, you the that light emitting from the mountains, go there and never return! The other clients must not hear about or I’ll be out of business” he told me.  Oh, I was quiet for I know where that is and who lies there, everything there was for free but, I guess I kind of forgotten about him. I went there right away, and I remember it well like the first time I entered that place, it was light, the flowers bloomed of roses and dandelions. I was welcomed with a warm embrace that gave me strength before I can even say a word or react, my sorrow has already been lifted, as he can see what’s beneath the hollows. I apologized for forgetting about him, for doubting, and losing faith. I was accepted as I am, happy, sad, angry or whatever I may be. To him, I was beautiful as I was made from his image. The stabbing pain on my chest felt like an ant bite, the tears were results of joy, the stumble and the falls made me resilient and strong. That’s when I swore I will never return to the sadist’s market ever again. So, do not be fooled by the sadist’s flowery words as the thorns weigh more than the beauty itself.

Weather and Casualties

Weather and Casualties by Peculiarczar
In my mind there was a storm, there yonder and you will see a hurricane with a variety of objects that are either nothing really or something really magical yet complex. I am not a simple storm that is acute but, like any storm I’ll only be there for a certain amount of time but, I can’t guarantee the amount of damage that I will leave on your town. Not everyone has seen me on my signal number four , some people left me after that. but , then the casualties were the ones I keep with me forevermore.
In my mind, there’s a tsunami that washed everything away when I’m so tired and I want it to be blank but, I tend to forget that I want other things to remain but it’s too late.
Some days, in my mind there was the ocean, it was as calm as the pacific, it was filled with lost adventurers and my sirens that caught them. What is wrong with me? I would ask myself as I know how these happen to me but, the truth is I wasn’t able to watch the weather forecast inside my head on a regular basis.
Sunny days with me will either annoy you or make you want to go to sea but, I would warn you about the waves and tell you to be careful. It’s all about the way you see me really, how you choose to react to the weather.
Rainy days with me are the best, while out I always found the rain perfect for the beach while they are asleep, I can make a hundred of fun activities with the rain. It’s all about you, choosing to be with me in the rain or being one of them.

Lastly, before you choose or go into my rain, read the first sentence again, you’ll never really know when the storm will arrive. Because in my head, there’s always a storm so, be careful dear.