Oh LeenLee

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I am not very tall but I am okay ( what haha )

Book by Peculiarczar

To me, you were this new interesting book right off the bookstore, you were on the bookshelves and no one would bother to look at you, only a few hungry souls who is in love with underrated beauty. The scent of the new lingers through my very veins, and I couldn't wait to read it. As I was reading the book, I tried to guess what's going to happen next but, at the same time I was having a good read. As I engage in every page I find it hard to move to the next but, I wanted to read more...sometimes, I would even reread the page. Now, In that book, you weren't the pages one to ten, or twenty or one hundred. To me you were more like a series, and in that series I would crave for the next book and the next. To me, that's what it's like to be with you, an exciting read that I come back to that I sometimes sleep next to the book as I smile on my slumber. You were the book that keeps my imagination alive, that gives me hope and makes me enter a new dimension, in which only we can understand. The simple text that is so much more than a font in black and white. You were a complex context into which my mind gets coiled but, If I comprehend further I will understand. It was fun with you, the pixie dust for every page turned, the herd of unknown creatures hopping, galloping on the meadow of my mind, the lake of vocabulary and the presence of enchantment that you gave to me. The beguile messages continue to haunt me, leaving me in puzzles unsolved, bridges not crossed, sentences undone and a thousand paths mistaken. It's hilarious how I continue to read even if I know something wicked is going to happen and, as we all know wicked has two meanings. Now what happens when something hinders my reading? perhaps, school work or an abundance or other important matters. It's the same feeling when you wait for another season of your favourite TV show, or when you're waiting for your name to be called for a recitation, that agonizing moment that squishes your very soul, it's like your internal organs are being compressed together making it hard for you to breathe. Being without you feels like, there is a vacant space in my chest, like there's an abandoned library waiting to be refilled with bookworms, a pause in the movie that I'm watching, a unchecked event on my bucket list and, a book that wasn't finished.

In Between

In between matcha and chocolate was coffee, you were the coffee who keeps me up at night but, I take you up anyway. In between the waves and the ocean floor is the calm water, you were the calm water, that in between the ground and the roars, you were the boundary that kept the world in balance. In between the two different stores, you were the hall, you brought me to different peaks in such a small world. In between the song and the music, you were the silent melody, I hear you the most when I don't understand anything at all. Now, you were in between the hello's and goodbye's, not being entirely sure where you stand nearer. Is it hello? or Is it goodbye? or are those two indefinite to you? . You were standing in between the stars and the grass, are you reaching for the stars or are you comfortable with the lawn? . To me, you were both the stars and the lawn, the stars as guide to a lost adventurer and the lawn to keep me comfort when I'm fatigued. You were standing in between the door of the building and the fire, you were both the door and the fire, the door as an exit to a new beginning, the fire that I kept on burning inside of me, not the one that I'm playing with. You were in between my hands and the void, you could either hold my hand or disappear completely. You were in between the writer and the reader, you were the context that keeps them thinking and guessing what's next? what's in store? but to both of them, you were different. You see, the writer knows you more as you were in between her reality and her expectations which defies the one with the reader. But, the reader fell in love with you more because you sound so perfect, yet sometimes she curses at you when you make mistakes such as let her slip of your fingers, like the soft kiss of glitters which still leaves some of it's remains in your palms. The reader screams at you because in between the lines she read, she knows there's so much more, she knows that you were about to do something and she can't stop you, because she's just a reader. In between her crystal tears and the text of despondence, Is a blissful wish that you should've done it the other way around. In between the letters Y and I, is the letter U, and here I am thinking " Why on earth did I meet you?" .  Lastly, In between every " I should've have met you" and " I should've have gone the other way" is " You were the best thing that ever happened to me".

19 Na Tula Para Kay Fidel by Peculiarczar ( 100 Na Tula Para Kay Stella )

I would say that this is out of the blue, with the thin chances of winning the book by Jason Paul Laxamana, which is yung 100 na tula para kay Stella, isang napaka stellar na movie, I liked the compositions, the story line and the character line up, it was a good movie and it was realistic compared to the other lovey dovey stories. Panalo talaga saakin yung line ni fidel na " Ako din naman eh" kasi nga nandoon din naman sya para kay Stella, and the actors were on point nadin haha. And, Stella's " Ilang salita ba kailangan mo?" . Anyways Viva Films is holding a contest , where you submit a poem with a theme of, what would you write if you were in love with Fidel. So, that night I was too sad to write something about love, or loving a fictional character because I lost a very close friend of mine, I tried to write poems and I asked my friends to view them and see if they are okay. My poems suck, but I submitted it anyways...just because, what are the odds?

The next day, I was challenged...by me, haha, it was more of a suggestion that came from my friends to write more and so I did, I started as 6 poems then I was aiming for seventeen poems, cause I like the numbers that end with seven but, one of my friends suggested me to do 19 poems since, I'm nineteen years old haha, and so I finished with 19 poems for Fidel.

Updated 27 facts about Peculiarczar

Apparently, back when I was fourteen years old I made a post about 27 facts about me, and I can't help but glue my face to the wall out of embarrassment. So, I'm going to make a new one.

1.) I am a Nursing Student and , I want to become a doctor someday
2.) I will do whatever it takes to go to London and that's where I'm planning to practice after my years here in the philippines
3.) My favourite numbers are 4, 7, 8, and 11 and other numbers that end with 4,7 and 8, I dunno really . I just have a good feeling about those numbers although I don't really believe in luck
4.) I am still battling anxiety but, I'm working on it pretty well as compared to the past
5.) I am still not a huge fan of reporting
6) Writing stuff helps me relax, so while taking breaks on school work, my magical thinking works then I write, write, write or sleep
7.) I'm still in love with the idea of sleep
8.) I truly am indolent, but I'm not as lazy as before
9.) I am still in love with the rain
10.) I learned to love books although, they are still an effective sedative
11.) Food is life
12.) My favourite nursing subjects are, NCM105 or psych nursing and pharmacology ( I am not kidding )
13.) I usually finish the exam first and I don't know why
14.) I am very scary when I get angry because my patience is no joke and when it runs out, you better run as well
15.) Popcorn is still the best dog in the world for me
16.) I am going to graduate by April 5, 2018 ( yes, I claimed it )
17.) If there is something that didn't change about me, that would be my laugh
18.) I'm still the maknae
19.) I'm not as emotional as I am before, yes, it's true and to those who are against it, I know how to hide a dead body really well until you become fertilizers ( haha kidding )
20.) I am a ninja
21.) my favourite colors are lilac, gray and black
22.) I am in love with the piano version of sad songs, they are my lullabies
23.) Dancing , singing and writing are my hobbies, as well as identifying a person's defense mechanism or counting how many times they yawned or sneezed
24.) I still ask bizarre questions but, I only keep them to myself
25.) I don't care as much as I did before
26.) I study by heart otherwise, it won't really sink in to me
27.) I have tryptophobia, so don't you dare or I'll put your head inside a box and send it to your family ( kidding again )

The Sadist's Market

The sadist’s market by Peculiarczar
 Where depressed souls visit. as it’s the place where they can sell their despair in forms of blood, screams, tears and endless sighs. The market is no where to be found on a regular map or the GPS on our regular technology. It can only be accessed by the ones who go deeper into the earth’s crust. A sacred place in which is hollow and, a dark place with shunting forces, opening gates of tranquillity and serene melodies of harps and trumpets, until you heart the loud thumping sound of that dark four corners. The sadist can be found there, presenting utopia where he sells tons of items ideal to the client, he presents it with enthusiasm saying that “ these will take the sorrow away, this will make you happy”. It comes in different forms, powders that appeared like pixie dust, liquids, extravagant that is in different forms that appeared very charismatic with a dash of amore.  Do not be fooled by the velvety ropes as it will close your curtains, or the shining, shimmering variety of blades that are dying to kiss your fragile skin. Oh, what’s that I see? A gun, he described more as a device faster that the speed of light that will make all your problems disappear. Then what about adrenaline? He talked to me about it as well, that rush that corrupts the very realistic part of your brain that makes you feel invincible. Oh, he has that too. You see, the sadist is the voice we hear, he tells you about how good it is to buy his goods and how he’s going to remove every bit of melancholy you have in you. But , you see that’s the problem that we have once we entered the sadist’s market, he’ll always be there giving your business offers like the freaking networking. But, after all those bad stuff about the sadist’s market, he does sell one thing that I always buy, a mask. A mask that withholds felicity and blissfulness, gives other people warm fuzziness but underneath. Oh, that’s what I use to pay the sadist, it fills him with joy as well. But then, what about me? Where can I find true happiness? That’s when I realized that I was a fool for accepting the sadist’s offer. The last time I visited him, I refused his offer and I returned the mask and he asked me, “ Why? What’s wrong? Doesn’t it make you happy?” . I replied with a shrug “ It’s just not right, something’s wrong” . The sadist closed the windows and he went out of his booth of masks. “ Then, head to the other direction, you the that light emitting from the mountains, go there and never return! The other clients must not hear about or I’ll be out of business” he told me.  Oh, I was quiet for I know where that is and who lies there, everything there was for free but, I guess I kind of forgotten about him. I went there right away, and I remember it well like the first time I entered that place, it was light, the flowers bloomed of roses and dandelions. I was welcomed with a warm embrace that gave me strength before I can even say a word or react, my sorrow has already been lifted, as he can see what’s beneath the hollows. I apologized for forgetting about him, for doubting, and losing faith. I was accepted as I am, happy, sad, angry or whatever I may be. To him, I was beautiful as I was made from his image. The stabbing pain on my chest felt like an ant bite, the tears were results of joy, the stumble and the falls made me resilient and strong. That’s when I swore I will never return to the sadist’s market ever again. So, do not be fooled by the sadist’s flowery words as the thorns weigh more than the beauty itself.

Weather and Casualties

Weather and Casualties by Peculiarczar
In my mind there was a storm, there yonder and you will see a hurricane with a variety of objects that are either nothing really or something really magical yet complex. I am not a simple storm that is acute but, like any storm I’ll only be there for a certain amount of time but, I can’t guarantee the amount of damage that I will leave on your town. Not everyone has seen me on my signal number four , some people left me after that. but , then the casualties were the ones I keep with me forevermore.
In my mind, there’s a tsunami that washed everything away when I’m so tired and I want it to be blank but, I tend to forget that I want other things to remain but it’s too late.
Some days, in my mind there was the ocean, it was as calm as the pacific, it was filled with lost adventurers and my sirens that caught them. What is wrong with me? I would ask myself as I know how these happen to me but, the truth is I wasn’t able to watch the weather forecast inside my head on a regular basis.
Sunny days with me will either annoy you or make you want to go to sea but, I would warn you about the waves and tell you to be careful. It’s all about the way you see me really, how you choose to react to the weather.
Rainy days with me are the best, while out I always found the rain perfect for the beach while they are asleep, I can make a hundred of fun activities with the rain. It’s all about you, choosing to be with me in the rain or being one of them.

Lastly, before you choose or go into my rain, read the first sentence again, you’ll never really know when the storm will arrive. Because in my head, there’s always a storm so, be careful dear.